suck those cheeks in a little harder, sweetie. come on, give us the outlines of teeth through the skin.
we don’t usually publish emails…
… but this one, we just had to share:
“I think the really great thing about your website is the diversity you display. No matter your race, religion, class, gender, or age, everyone looks like a fucktard when they make a duck face. Fucking equality, man.”
— random USC student
thanks, random USC student! we try to offend everyone equally. fucktardedness for all!
it’s an alien invasion, we tell you. it’s the only possible explanation for this sort of nonsense. fucking aliens, man. like, from mars or florida or some shit.
we’re pretty sure raccoon-face actual-kissed a powdered-sugar donut before pretend-kissing her overly-tanned friend, here.
and yeah, we called the hyphenation police on ourselves after typing that, thanks.
WARNING: DUCKFACED HIPSTER QUOTIENT EXCEEDED.
AntiDuckface
you know that face you make when you're about to take that perfect picture of yourself for the internet?you know, the pose where you push your mouth out in that sort of weird half-kissy-face to make it look like you've got big pouty lips, a super-defined jawline, and model-quality cheekbones?
it's called "duckface."
because, you know, it makes you look like a duck
STOP DOING IT.
IT ISN'T SEXY.
YOU LOOK STUPID.
REALLY, REALLY STUPID.
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